彻底绝望

今天，我真的感到很绝望了。
早上，跟他冷战。

他说，喜欢我的单纯。
反而现在我感觉，
我的单纯受到侮辱。
老实说，
我对他有点失望，
有点伤感，
有点后悔……
为什么总是要把我当成10岁小孩般看待？
我像10岁吗？
有谁能告诉我？
作弄我，
是无限的吗？
我的尊严也是无限的吗？
那我还算得了什么？
跟一撮大便有什么分别？
有什么分别？

你们都知道被侮辱的感觉是怎样的吗？
你们懂吗？
你们了解吗？

我希望有人能了解我现在的心情……

※今天，突然想起一样很搞笑的事情，就应该是，新年时期吧，刚好家里附近的市区有Fun Fair，有一个晚上我们全部都去走走看看。也有玩些游戏，赢了些些的玩具。刚好有一个是他妈妈赢到的，然后我就去开来看，是一个小盒子。我看到好像很有趣似的，就去开来看。然后，他就问我，“你没有玩过咩？”我说，没有，可以拿来放东西哦！结果，我就把盒子的抽屉来出来，结果蟑螂跑出来，吓死我，他们全部都在笑，我还以为是小抽屉，可以放东西，原来是恶作剧。那时，我还吓到哭，真的还是第一次呢！他在旁边抚摸我的头，结果还说我是笨蛋！死鬼！！真的很搞笑。

※很期待14/5的到来，因为是我们的一周年纪念。听他说，他好像outstation。。。当然我希望他没有啦，想要和他好好享用晚餐。哈哈。我打算送他香水和车的radio，加上一个星期后又是他的生日，想要一次过送。

Well.. Im get back to my work now after enjoyed holiday for 4 days in Johor.. Reli enjoyed cz all the time almost spent on SLEEPING.... It's long time I did not rest as well...

I met Xiao Theng at City Square JB - one of my new fren which I knew her last year during Pikom Pc Fair at the same place - Persada Mall.. I didn't met Paula yet since she was busy with her mum last Sunday but she promised will meet another day.. I didn't joint the pc fair for the days where i was being at JB, so how i gonna spent my time just window shopping at CS.. I was alone.. All the shop i entered, to spend my time.. haha.. Until afternoon, i felt tired and sleepy i back to hotel... SLEEPing... Great.. Long time didn't take a nap at afternoon.. hoho..

14th is coming again... It's my anniversary with my dear... Next month 14th gonna be our 1yr anniversary.. Im thinking what to give him.. Wallet? Perfume? Shirt? Shoe? Bag? ya.. Almost forgot that his favourite is NIKON D3100... RM2198.00. OMG... I wish i have enough of money to give him the DSLR camera.. But i did not... Well, think to other way.. He dont wish i waste too much of money to buy nonsense thing.. I think i just make a video for him is enough.. Simple...

Arghhhhh.... What the F***..... 2ml my holiday mayb will CANCEL.. just cz of his boss want him stay untill Monday... Haiz.. Just want to rest as well but now seems everything had changed... Sien... Recently doing wat oso sien... SPK...

Yesterday, bought my first GLASSES in my life... Totally, I dont like it... cz its so " CA TANG "... But what to do... Nasi sudah jadi bubur... Kena pakai juga... Also cz of his boss I cant buy my stuff too... ARrggghhh.... SPK.... What kind of this person... Reli " GIT C " oooo...

Today mood damn bad... Hopefully no one is scold by me... SIEN DAO BAO....

Updated...

27/03/11 （日）
早上，我们要去看足球赛，结果到了那里，已经结束了。然后，就要去看牙医，结果，没有开门。他就带我去看屋子了，在Saujana Rawang... 那里有很多刚起的屋子，都还蛮漂亮的，设计也不错。
















Saujana Rawang - Amoda 2
这间是我喜欢的，价钱大概是RM300k++。我们都很喜欢，我告诉他，我真的很想把它买下。他其实也有考虑，还开玩笑的说 “买了屋子，就没钱买家私了。” 不过，老实说，这间家真的很漂亮。进去看Show House时，真的好像自己的家。哈哈哈~~~ 希望，我能把这间屋子买下吧！！

28/3/11 （一）
今天，他没有工作。下午找我吃午餐。这是我在这里工作，第二次他来找我吃午餐。想象下，第一次时是多么遥远的以前啊！！不知不觉，差不多一年了跟他交往。就好像当初他说，刚开始交往时，感觉好像认识很久的朋友了。其实，我们认识的日子很短。

April is coming around... It reminds me of April Fool's Day has come again.. Hahaha... Em... Who is good to play?? I still out of any idea... But it's ok..

Well.. July Im going back to my hometown.. I hope I m very enjoy my this coming trip alone.. =) Ray is not going to follow me.. Because he got working.. I will be back for 1 week.. I reli miss my mum's cooking.. Since long time I did not tasted her cooking dy... Recently was the rainy season, my uncle's shop in Kudat was flooded.. Hopefully when Im going back, it's not rainy day..

2nd, Miss Lee said that maybe this coming May, maybe will have some mobilization of salary.. Oh yeah... I hope so.. Ray promise me, once I m get a promotion to other department, he will buy me HTC Desire HD.. But, he just will sponsor me half of the price. Means that, I still need to pay half of it.. Huhuh... Reli hope that he pay all.. Haahaha.. Maybe that time I change my mind to another NEW model?? Who knows... hehehe...

Last day, I was first time saw Ray cried in front me.. Also the first time argued with him seriously.. The time I saw his eyes getting red and full with tears, I reli felt hurt... Is it Im too serious dy?? I guessed im not.. He cried because he scared once I back to Kudat and not come back to him .. hahaha.. Maybe... I wiped his tears and said that :" Stupid... I will not la... " It's a bit funny when both of us were crying.. But now at least I know this man reli love me much.. Thanks God...

Dear Ray,
Thanks for ur love towards me dear.. Since I saw u cried, I knew that, I did not made a wrong choice.. =) I love u too...

世界末日 II

今天上网看了写关于日本的新闻，感觉世界末日来临的日子好像越来越靠近了。好难受哦！为什么要那么快给我们这个暗号呢？老实说，我真的无法接受哦！
一来，我还有很多的东西还没做，比如说买房子啦，事业还没稳定啦……
二来，是我人生中最大件事的，结婚！
结婚可少不了，是我目前最想要实现的梦想。
可是，一直都在泡汤。
他说，不想要那么快就结婚。
毕竟我们的感情路还很短，而且很多事还没体验到。
他说，他要事业有成后，他才会计划结婚。
大概30岁这样。
他现在才28而已。
还有两年，恐怕我等不及了。
不是我变心，而是很多事情都是我们无法预测的。
当然，给我的话，越快越好。
因为我不要留一点遗憾。
哪怕明天就是世界末日，至少我没有遗憾我已经是他的老婆。
不想要提的始终还是要提。
哈哈~~
老实说，
结婚是我一直很想要实现的梦想，
可是到底何时才能真正实现呢？
真的现在不是时候吗？
真的世界末日会来临吗？
我可以说不要世界末日吗？
我可以等他两年事业有成后结婚吗？
我可以吗？
为什么？
为什么要让我遇到这么一个男人？
又爱又恨！！